A Plantation? A Dalmatian Plantation You Say

WHY YES! I’LL TAKE A PLANTATION.

Well!! Maybe not the Dalmatian plantation but I’ll definitely take the plantation.

A Plantation of dogs.

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When trained properly, dogs are loyal, kind, obedient, helpful, and serving. Even without training, they have an intelligence about them. I see it in our new puppy. She has an emotional intelligence about her. She is meant to be a companion and she is meant to bring you the light when you are in darkness. It was lovely to see; the subtle in her changes. Such compassion and intelligence exude from her eyes, the path to the soul. They are incredibly intelligent and looking back through history shows they are truly man's best friend, acquaintance, and assistant. Some of them are the greatest companions, nurses, and/or protectors of all time. They do not receive enough recognition in my opinion. Too many humans have dogs who should not. You see? Unfortunately, we humans lack this thing called mutual respect. Some dogs are incredibly powerful and intelligent, in ways we humans lack. You want an animal that is as powerful to fight off lions to bow to you????…..you bow to it. You recognize what your dog has to offer and you respect that. They work with energy and energy was something I would come to learn about.

“A Handler always ends up with the dog it deserves”, The Royal Air Force Dog Training School.

Walking up the street…. I didn't want to be walking up the street. Not on this particular day. I love to walk. Ask anyone who knows me. "Alisha doesn't drive. She busses, walks, or now e-scooters", they'll tell ya.

But this day…. I was walking. There was no bus to take me to the place I needed. Where I needed to be wasn't far enough for a bus or on a bus route. I got halfway up my street, stopped, leaned over, and bawled. So much pain. Too much pain to be walking. I should be home. I had no one to call. My daughters’ too young to walk alone, especially in the shittiest part of Ottawa. Vanier. I had no choice but to leave the house. I was hoping for a day of no pain but that did not happen and I…. Was out of pain meds. Pain meds that barely scratched the surface. Halfway up the street, crying, alone, I needed….. something. I did not want a human though. I’m actually not a fan of us. I find us annoying and underwhelming. Needy, selfish, and so many other things. A human would try to fix the issue because too many humans think they know shit. The issue couldn't be fixed by another. Another person does not fix chronic pain. I’ll also be the first to tell you to fuckin LEARN that. Another person can not fix your chronic pain. Another person can not fix your chronic pain. One more time…..another person can not fix your chronic pain. Only you can. I needed something though….something to just BE with me. Something that could also do things like carry my purse and walk on its own; unlike my Yorkie who came to me neglected. Needless to say, that day, she was not with me on my painful journey. My purebred Yorkshire Terrier has her own story, believe it or not. But fuck….. I wished someone was there at that moment while standing alone, pained, tears streaming down my face in the middle of Vanier. Either to hug me gently or remind me I’m one tough ass fucking little bitch and I can get through almost anything I choose to. In time, I had people telling me….I would not get through.

Challenge. Fucking. Accepted!

What people fail to realize is, I have a handful of females constantly watching me…..looking up to me; a few QUITE young still. Do not challenge me and NEVER tell me I can not do something. I WILL smash what you say I can not. I know, with every fiber in my being, if you SET YOUR MIND, you CAN succeed. But most do not believe that like I do; with every fiber. EVERY. DAMNED. ONE! Another thing …..if I make a vow …..it is my bond. I vowed to ALWAYS be the safe place for someone else's little girls. Today…..as I write this…..I am now needed. It is time to make good on my vow but I degrees….

Because I was becoming ill (and lived in Vanier), it was starting to show to the point, males pulled over thinking I was an addict looking for a way to tend to my fix. The only "fix" I needed was my pain to go away. I was already "fighting" my Dr. on this one. He wanted me heavily medicated so I wasn't in pain and so I could smile again. But he also realized we were not doing things like other people. That we would be stepping away from all pills at some point. I was not a woman to walk the societal path but my own. Mine does not include drugs or alcohol beyond some green buds. I do not even drink socially today. Not a sip! I especially did not need what those males would have been offering either. My Dr. couldn't believe I endured having my body electrocute me from the neck, into my shoulders all the way to my elbows for four days, every day getting worse, before I buckled and took the pain meds he had prescribed. I, legit, had pain meds sitting in my house for a whole month. I was refusing to take them. My daughters’ father came to pick them up for their weekend. I had no one else at this point in my life. I told him what was happening and that I needed to take meds. "It hurts and I can't take it anymore. Please keep your phone at hand because I don't know how ANY meds will affect me". I took the meds and I was…. Just ok. The Dr. warned me of the long road ahead, that I needed to stop doing everything so we could figure out just what was going on. Dr. Danial Sweet is best Dr. I've ever met!!!!

So, I've been working with my Dr. and doing my shit as best I can at this time for some time. That means barely anything. At this point…. My oldest daughter gets herself and her sister up every morning. They also come to get me up, hoisting me out of bed like a fuckin broken, little, porcelain doll they must be careful with; not to break any further….while also hearing me scream out in pain…. not a job for a 6 and an 8-year-old……. They did this for years. To them, it seemed like a decade….and that crushes my fucking heart. I send my daughters to school, I do not make their lunches but instead, I sit there and tell them how to do it, they walk themselves to the bus while I watch and wave to the bus driver who only just realized I shouldn't be walking. This was not my daughters’ bus stop but he changed it so I did not step down any steps and leave the porch.

I’m raising the girls to stay/keep it together. “We live in Vanier. You know who the good adults are here. Stick together! If anything ever happens, there are people who will help you. Even in the hood! Don't walk like a scared girl or shit WILL happen, walk with your head up so you're paying the fuck attention, and DO NOT be afraid to use your voice. You yell FIRE, never help! Help won't come here. Yell fire and people respond better. Humans are weird; just accept it.” But also raised that if they heard someone scream help, to help. We need better humans around. But not everyone in the hood is bad, just so you know, you gotta pay the fuck attention, keep to yourself, get home. I also had to teach them, at their level, about drugs because of the neighborhood. Many times I, or my neighbor, was yelling at some crackhead to get off my porch with her god damned drugs. I was known on our street. Known ….”never start shit in front of that lady's house or you'll hear from her; baseball bat in one hand and phone in other dialing the cops! She’s got kids, she's good shit, she's ALWAYS got great hair. Just don’t start shit and she’ll be kind to you” Legit words I’ve heard while people thought my head phones were playing music. To those people…..Thanks for seeing me and thanks for the mutual respect.

…… during their school days, I learned to just be, learning to accept not doing anything, what is this Netflix n chill thing? What IS Netflix? Fuck I just wanna work and do shit….. it's who I am. So...I learned how to Netflix n chill but ...I could not just do that. I also learned to crochet during this time. I learned to container garden to give us a hobby and food on our table. I had no clue how to just be…… I was raised to be faster, smarter, stronger, never ask for help, never take handouts, and crying gets you nowhere. I was raised like a military brat but was not one. As I grew, there was a demon in my home and I woke every morning in survival mode for..... I don’t even know how long. Maybe since I've been in grade 6?! When I realized the demon was worse then what I had imagined and my sisters would need me to take what they would have gotten had I ran away like I wanted as a child....Yes. You read correctly. I stayed home, never ran away.....to take the abuse so my TWO baby sisters would not get it. I, for some reason....knew how abusers worked, I stayed and took it for 11 years, I was not even aware of survival mode until 2 years ago. I'm also a mom. I was used to working in a downtown barbershop, spring, summer, fall, tending to everything; barbering, cleaning and paper work. Winters getting a mild break from home, and staying longer at work. I loved that shop, my boss, what I did, and my clients. My clients were trying to tell me something though. Hindsight: They were using the wrong words. They were trying to tell me I was a healer, simply. Oddly enough though…..I actually knew nothing of the sort. Of this so-called healing. Well…..life stepped in to help me learn that shit. And it stepped in fast, good and hard. I'm stubborn. My ass gotta get kicked for me to move sometimes because I get stuck thinking too much; being a thinker….. you don't want to know how many years people have been waiting for me to write about this shit…..

But this day many years ago……..I required meds. And an assistant. Of some kind…..

I definitely had to learn some shit…..I swear life and soul had a conversation….. Don't worry. I'm coming to the part about dogs.

Bring in the first hurdle from Life and Soul: Every different form of pain because she is disconnected from her body and has not a single clue what pain actually is. We've been sending her pain for years but because it does not hurt…..she is not clueing in. Bring in the pain she classifies as pain. Bring in the actual HURT!!!!! So she’ll finally stop moving. So she’ll have no choice but to learn.

I finally got my meds. I am home. They're barely helping.

…….on FB that night after finally making it to the pharmacy to get my meds I do not want to take. I see dogs and realize…. It's a dog I require. Fuck! I do not want another dog…. I have my Yorkie and I have two dogs that visit. Those dogs are just pets that laze around. One is too old….the other too bonded to my daughters’ father…. I can't even carry my god damned wallet without my legs/hips hurting at this point….How the fuck am I to train a puppy to become a dog on top of this. But….a dog can do what I NEED. I know this because my neglected Yorkie, who I was told would be useless…. Became a nurse. A mindful intelligent hot water bottle. Whatever was most pained, she kept warm. She's so small. She can't do anything else like carry my wallet….. fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuck! At this point, I'm on EI and can barely make rent/hydro/feed us let alone pay for a larger dog…..FUUUUCK!

Bring in the second hurdle from Life and Soul: Learn to ask for assistance when you were taught to never do so. If you did, you were weak. (TODAY as I write this? I can only ask a handful of people for assistance. And it’s still REALLY hard to do.)

I asked my daughters’ father if I could borrow the money to get a larger dog. I explained what happened that day walking to the pharmacy, I explained that a human could not do anything about my pain. I can not carry my purse anymore…. Or even my wallet without my hips hurting. He said NO! Yup! He said no to me borrowing money from him to buy a dog. He said….'you're so stubborn. You were my wife and would never ask for anything. I will not lend you the money. I want to buy you your dog. You have x amount of funds to work with.' It was not a massive amount but it also was not $100. Hindsight….we now know what I require is thousands and thousands of dollars. Not $700.

Different preferences and different jobs for different dog breeds.

Service dogs, Therapy Dogs, Police dogs, Military Working dog, Detection Dogs, Search and Rescue Dogs, Herding Dogs, Livestock Guardian Dogs, Guard yard and house dogs, Nordic dogs, hunting dogs, cattle dogs, companion, Disease detectors, truffle hunters, Art Protectors, Carting, Electronic Detectives, Crisis Response, Fire Dogs, Racing, Water rescue, Show dogs, Cadaver Dogs

I went on a search. The universe knew I needed something. I did not want another dog though…. Training is MAJOR work and I was bedridden with pain. I found what I needed. What I needed was not what I thought. At the time. That dog….became the most important aspect of my learning and healing. I put ALL my focus into obedience and working skills training her. The HOURS of training I put that girl through? She went through it all. She was scared of everything. But....we worked, I pushed, I protected and in turn.....The calmest, down-to-earth, energy of all our dogs, the most patient, the most respectful. Completely bonded to what I bonded her to. The largest of my dogs yet so intelligent and mindful of her size. She was even more gentle than my Yorkie. No joke. When she laid down next to me, you could SEE her being mindful not to hurt me. The girl was also about energy. All dogs are which she taught me. The girl was raised in the SHITTEST part of the city, watching other humans disrespect HER commander? While also seeing SOME humans be respectful to her commander. You better believe you needed to earn her trust.

At the end of the day…..trust is to be earned. It is not to be just given yet….so many humans assume trust should just happen. I? Forgot that. She reminded me respect is not to be just handed out but earned.

People have always thought I was a cat lady because I'm small. What you do not see…. Is all the strength I have BECAUSE I’m so small and frail. The muscles I have, the team spirit I have, the commander I am, the power I have, the energy I possess. Some may see small and frail but that does NOT mean powerless. I am one of the smallest humans you could ever meet. Yet I have enough power within myself to command one of the most powerful breed of dogs. I'm just not physically powerful enough to hold that dog back if it wants to assert itself when it feels its time for its duty to step in. So.....I also learned about external power and size. I am powerful and there are powerful dogs that are my size. Not all dogs are meant to be with every human no matter how powerful of a commander they are.

Some would say my dog was aggressive because well.....humans are stupid and think all dogs are to be exactly the same, not caring if they even actually think. She was insanely protective actually, that bitch was teaching me how to be, about energy, power and respect. She was reminding me of my god damned voice this world wants to silence. She was reminding me of JUST how powerful I am as it takes a powerful human to command a Boerboel, a south African mastiff. They're intelligent, powerful enough to fight off lions and LOOK for weakness to take down what needs to be taken down. She was reminding me of standards, place of authority/hierarchy/command but also reminding me of being humble. She was reminding me, I do not need to be as big as a mountain to be powerful. Power is in our truth. Our authenticity. I might be the smallest human you get a chance to meet but that does not mean weakness. It means knowing myself. Good and bad. I'm all passion which also means..... I have a temper.......borderline murderous. I have to work with that shit. Yes, there is power in silence, there is a time and place for everything, and we are ALL designed differently for different purposes. I am not this world's Shrek. I am more like this world's Tinkerbell. Being as small, determined and ambitious, I HAVE to know myself. I come with power and as I age, I am coming with more grace to match that power. My mastiff made me learn or relearn so much. I will be ever grateful.

Today….I do not have her anymore. I've never felt so alone. And I've also never experienced anger and rage like I did when I put her down. I experienced it for MONTHS. I still do not go a day without crying because she was not just my dog. She was not just my worker. She was more than that. She was my partner. I had to relearn every aspect of myself to get through this illness and she stood by it all, respecting everything I bonded her to. Everything that was “too much” is not. Some just do not like how my too-muchness makes them feel. I am designed to rattle n shake you if you are not being authentic. That is not my problem. I had to learn about respect. I had to learn that anyone I have to scream at is SERIOUSLY not worth my time. I had to learn that some people love a woman like me just as she is. That some humans WANT that tough ass in their life. Some humans NEED that tough ass in their life. It helps keep them grounded, on their game, or being a better version of themselves. I thought I had to lower my standards when, in fact, my large dog taught me that is just not so. My standards had to be brought back up.

“I believe it's our loss of connection with our instinctual side that prevents us from being effective pack leaders for our dogs. Perhaps it's also why we also seem to be failing at being positive guardians of our planet.”

― Cesar Millan with Melissa Jo Peltier

Dogs are what keep me taking care of myself on a deeper level. A more yogic level.

Dogs are about energy. I can not meditate around a dog as they get SUPER drawn to that energy but they love when I sing or chant. I see so many people playing heavy rap or metal music, especially if they have a badass looking dog or a bully thinking their bully is badass. It is. Your music is not and your dog more than likely can’t stand your music but…..you 'trained' it to tolerate it aka made it tolerate it. I like to test things out and so I tested this out with some puppies. Different music made them behave differently. When they were tired…..that so-called badass music was NOT beneficial. I changed the music to something I would gravitate toward to help with my energy as I needed to do sitting work and bam! The puppies were instantly calm and passed out. No that doesn’t mean you need yogi music for your dog but that badass heavy rap music…..Nope! Music comes with its energy. For some reason, after I had my second child, sometime after, when I got excited, good, bad, or ugly, I started feeling nauseous. For some reason…..I developed that “fuck shit up” energy and had to learn to calm it the fuck down. Exactly like that over-excited puppy who is now knocking over everything due to excitement and then spooking itself because it got SO excited…..they don’t know what just happened. And I had to learn that. I was SO in control of myself. But.....something shifted after my second baby and I had to learn about energy.

There are so many breeds and there are different TYPES of dogs. Something else I had to learn about. We are used to seeing, what I call, toys, in the city. Simply, companion dogs that don’t do much. I, myself, thought I gravitated to working dogs. I actually just clued into the fact it is not even the working dog I gravitate to. It’s actually protection dogs that “speak to me” and hence the bond with my mastiff. Knowing what I know now, my Boerboel/ Saint Bernard was a livestock guardian type of dog, and hence why, one day, she decided it was not time for me to protect her but instead….she was to speak for and protect me. That was not what I needed. Or was it?!?!?!?! My ex-husband and I realized she was protecting ME. He noticed that when my pain was high, and therefore my awareness low, because a fog comes with my illness, she was insanely protective. When my pain was lower, so was her protection. She would be calmer but still, NO ONE was to come near me. I HAD to learn to socially distance myself for my health, years ago. We also realized she was being protective when bad smells came around. Dogs have an insane sense of smell and hers? Was top-notch. She was always smelling. Everything. Over time, assessing what was making her seem aggressive to everyone else, is essentially everything I need to stay away from. She wasn’t aggressive. She was teaching me and protecting me because I wasn’t using my senses aka witchy intuition or my voice. I needed to be still, silent and speak only when absolutely necessary for a REALLY long time. Our mastiff became my youngest daughter’s best bud and made her feel loved when I was too sick to. She eased my ex-husband’s and his dog’s anxiety. She was a lovely heavy earthy energy companion for my oldest daughter who was doing such hard work of taking care of a physically broken mother. A respectful dog sister to our yorkie making her feel safe. A watchdog to neighbors who “got it”. Dogs will teach you so much and will always be there for you until their last breath. It's just that simple.

For myself….that mastiff was more than a dog. I know myself so much more because of her. She was my familiar. I’ve had many dogs, pets and animals in my life. Today…..I feel like Harry Potter without his owl, Hedwig I! am a working dog kind of lady. It could be some time before I find my next partner. I never wanted Xena but......I needed her. I do not need her anymore and because I do not.....the universe requested she go home. leaving me to continue my journey without her. I will never forget my, to this day....greatest partner. She will live on forever in my heart. I hope she sends me someone badass and chill for my next partner.

How can a pet help my mental health?

Caring for a pet can help our mental health in many ways, including:

1. increasing your physical activity. Dog owners are likely to take their pet out every day for a walk or run. This can be a fun way to fit exercise into your routine

2. providing companionship. Pets can give you a sense of security and someone to share the day with. Caring for them can help you feel wanted and needed. This can be especially valuable for older people or those who live alone

3. reducing anxiety. The companionship of a pet can help to ease your anxiety

4. boosting self-confidence. Pets can be great listeners, offer unconditional love and won’t criticize you. This can help your self-confidence, especially if you feel isolated or misunderstood

5. helping you meet new people. Dog owners often stop and chat to each other on walks. But other pets can be a way to meet people too: in pet shops, training classes or online groups, for example

6. adding structure to your day. Having to feed, exercise and care for a pet can help you keep to a daily routine, which can help you feel more grounded and focused. It can give your day purpose and a sense of achievement.

Pets may also help with specific conditions. For example, people with ADHD may benefit from the structure and routine that a pet needs. Managing their pet’s responsibilities and keeping track of time – to feed or walk them on time, for example – may help them in other areas of their lives. Some people with ADHD are hyperactive – especially children - and playing with a pet can be a great way to release excess energy, whether that’s walking a dog or running around with a kitten.

Autistic people can benefit from having a pet. Pets provide the kind of unconditional relationship that can help someone build social skills and confidence. They can provide a sense of calm and reassurance if their owner feels overwhelmed. Autistic children with sensory issues can involve their pet in sensory integration activities to help them get used to how something feels against their skin or how it smells or sounds.

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/p/pets-and-mental-health

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